Deary me, it has been a ridiculously long time since I have updated this blog.
I probably could have made more of an effort to write posts but I have been very busy indeed and I thought it would be counter to the entire ethos of this website if I stressed myself out about generating content.
But I am back, and hopefully should be writing more regularly.
Whilst I haven't been blogging, I have still been out and about on my soapbox, talking about mental health:
In April 2024, I spoke at the Leadership and Wellbeing Conference on a panel with Rachel Bale and Helen Pooley, where we spoke about our personal journeys and looked at the importance of culture change within chambers to give barristers the support they need to manage their mental health. There is a helpful round-up of key takeaways from the event here. I was really blown away by some of the talks I heard, particularly from Keeley Lengthorn on pregnancy loss and 'George's Law'.
In May 2024, I gave a talk on wellbeing via Lincoln's Inn alongside Anneli Howard KC and Julie Whitby. I had to attend remotely from my car, parked somewhere random, because I hadn't managed to make it back home in time from court to participate. I thought that gave a fairly accurate picture of the stresses of life at the Bar!
In October 2024, I gave another virtual talk on managing stress and wellbeing to the Association of Lawyers for Children with Beverley Densham. I did tell Beverley (only half-joking) that it seemed like I rocked up and said 'HERE ARE ALL THE PROBLEMS' and she turned up with 'AND HERE IS HOW WE COPE WITH THEM'.
In October 2024, I spoke at the HRLA Careers Day alongside Céline Winham, Alice Nah and Abiodun Olatokun. My contribution focused on vicarious trauma and resources available to help manage the effects of vicarious trauma (including LawCare's peer support service).
But I'm writing this blog to update you on a really lovely experience I had recently with Beverley.
She invited me onto her podcast, Mindfulness Pilates. I've been on a fair few podcasts in my time but this might be up there with one of my favourite podcast experiences.
I spoke about my own history (which is probably well-known to readers of this blog) but I also spoke about the little tips and tricks that I have incorporated/tried to incorporate into my life to manage my ongoing struggle with anxiety and intrusive thoughts.
Beverley then did a breathing meditation with me which I have been using since, including on long car journeys when the thoughts can sometimes get on top of me.
For those who don't have the patience to listen to me waffle on for 40 minutes on the podcast, I have written down my tips, and some of my takeaways from the podcast episode.
I reiterate that I am very much a work in progress. Mental health difficulties aren't 'fixed'; they are managed. Mental health fluctuates and I go through dips in my own mental health. I am continuing to figure out what works for me during these dips, and it is a process of trial and error.
Know when to seek professional help - on the podcast, I speak about my reluctance to go to a GP about my mental health or to take medication for my anxiety. I was so worried about what this would say about me: would people think I'm 'weak'? Would having a diagnosis give me a label I wouldn't be able to shake?
I was particular resistant to my GP's suggestion that I take medication. Whilst, of course, medication is not a solution for everyone and taking it is a very personal decision, mental health stigma stopped me taking it for a really long time. Taking medication turned out to be transformative for me.
Podcasts, self-help books and videos, breathing techniques and so on are all brilliant. However, you should be willing to access professional help if needed and to take on board professional advice.
My GP, my therapist and medication have all been essential to managing my anxiety.
Finding reassurance within myself - I sometimes need external reassurance to ease my anxieties. That might mean calling up a family member, a friend, my boyfriend or a colleague to ask 'that's nothing to worry about, is it?' (9 times out of 10, it definitely isn't something to worry about). Even though the rational part of me KNOWS there's nothing to worry about, the irrational part of me can take over.
In therapy, I've been exploring how I can find that reassurance within myself. My therapist suggested that I imagine I am having a conversation with my best friend. I tell her the problem. What would she say? I usually know exactly what she would say, which is that there's nothing to worry about, and here are the reasons why. He encouraged me to have the conversation with her in my head, without feeling the need to pick up the phone and talk to her.
Bring the anxiety to life - I learned a really weird technique in group therapy which, I have to say, I was very sceptical about at first. The group therapist asked us to imagine we pulled our anxiety out of our bodies and placed it on the table in front of us. What would it look like?
For reasons unbeknownst to me, my anxiety looked like one of my cat's fur balls: sticky and hairy and generally a little unpleasant.
The therapist told us to talk to Anxiety. What would it say to us? The conversation for me went something like this.
Me: what's your problem? Why are you doing this?
Anxiety: I'm trying to help you. I'm trying to warn you about the things that could go wrong.
Me: but this isn't helping me right now. You might be trying to warn me but all you're doing is stressing me about things that are probably not going to happen.
Anxiety: I'm here for your own good.
By giving Anxiety a form and a voice, I made it seem so much less scary and also a little bit silly. I realised that Anxiety was ever-present, to different degrees. It often serves a purpose. It makes me cautious, it makes me careful, it helps me to avoid making mistakes. It isn't my enemy. But on occasion, I do have to tell it to just 'pipe down'.
I know this sounds a little bonkers but I found the whole exercise strangely helpful.
Tense and release - sometimes when I'm in an anxiety spiral, I feel like I'm in a bath and the water is running over me and I'm struggling to get out because I feel overwhelmed by the thoughts. I want to just sink deeper into the negativity. I feel out of control and the worry feels like it's washing over me.
My therapist suggested that I tense up my body as tightly as I possibly can, hold that tension, and then release it. I have found this really helpful and it's something that I can do pretty much anywhere, at any time. For me, it feels like I'm exercising some control over the worry, rather than letting it overwhelm me. I'm bring it into my body, compressing it tightly, and then releasing it in a flood.
'But I just don't have the time' - I spoke to Beverley about how my therapist would probably say I'm rubbish at doing my homework between sessions. He gives me lots of tips and tricks to manage my worries, but when I fall into a spiral, it all goes right out of my head. Often, I feel like I simply don't have the time to incorporate the techniques into my everyday life because I'm so busy. I don't have time to journal or meditate because I'm too knackered from spinning my various plates.
Beverley wasn't having any of it. She explained the trap that many people fall into of thinking they don't have time. We do have time, but it's about incorporating little things into our day to day lives: when we're boiling the kettle or going for a bathroom break.
Part of my problem is I want to be perfect at everything, including the things I need to do to support my mental health. If I journal, I want the journal entry to be beautiful, flowing prose. If I meditate, I want to set aside a good hour and commit to it properly so I can be an A+ meditator!
Clearly that's a me problem and I need to put perfection to one side and focus on what's manageable, realistic and time-effective - 'wellness snacking' as I referred to it on the podcast.
Anyway, I hope these tips/takeaways are of some use. Please do let me know what helps you because I am constantly learning from those around me.
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